i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
