i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
