chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
