Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
