I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
