Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
