The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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