I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
