i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
