You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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