I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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