My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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