the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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