Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
