lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize