White coat. Heels.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
