whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
