why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So many bounce houses so little time
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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