I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
