I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize