guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My cat gives me a boner
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
