the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
