thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
