Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize