if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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