Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
