you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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