I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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