Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
