he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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