You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
