i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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