I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
