Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize