New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
