my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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