its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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