Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
