ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Im part way to drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
