her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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