I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
is wine microwaveable?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
