Michael Bay diarrhea
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
