How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
