This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
