i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I need moral support for this bender
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
