I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
