Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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