he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
