running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
