could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I cut my penus on the lid.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
