stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
