something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
