and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
