Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize