her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I AM VODKA MAN
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
