I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
