It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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