nut hugger
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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