genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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