I should be sponsored by Trojan
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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