i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize