i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i now understand why vodka
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
