i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
