i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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