Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
