Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
