oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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