Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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