i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
