Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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