worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
