He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize