So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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