i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think my mom watched the whole time
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize