Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
