my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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