I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
