You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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