I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
