So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
