I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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