"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
