i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize