I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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