fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
