you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
